The 5th & 6th; I looked over and Mommy was crying.

The 5th of October. 

Today has been such fun. I got up this morning and watched Sunday Brunch, and Becky and James came over because they were locked out, so we had some bridesmaid dress chat, which James was just enthralled by.

Mommy took me to Brindleyplace for Fiona’s hen meal at The Slug and Lettuce. When I got there, I couldn’t see anyone I recognised, but eventually I found Corinne, her mum, at the table in the corner covered in balloons. Plus Nick’s mum and two of Fiona’s relatives. Fiona and the rest of the party arrived after some time, and we all ordered. I had the Philly steak sandwich with sweet potato fries, although I had to dismantle if heat it. Then we played a “How well do you know Fiona game” which I did not score highly on as I have pretty much missed the past few years. I had the cookie cup explosion for pudding, then I had to go so I left enough money and Daddy collected me in the chair.

When we got home, I was craving vegetables, so I had some extra ones that Mommy had made for her and Daddy’s dinner. This evening, Mommy and I went to the mac to see Susan Calman and she was excellent. At one point in the show, as she talked about a trip to the sewers of Paris, I had mild hysterics. The show was about loving yourself, and being Swan A in Swan Lake. Susan, you are a swan, and so am I.

The 6th of October. 

I woke up at 7:40 today! This is most excellent. Hopefully this pattern will continue, but I won’t hold my breath. Not that I could right now, anyway. I am not optimistic about my lung function tests on Thursday.

Spent the day inside because the weather has been hideous and there has been no reason to go out and inflict it upon ourselves. I wrote some stuff for Julie for the Grazia piece because she was going to work on it today, so I’ll probably get a draft of it soon.

We cleaned out Hamilton’s cage after he finished shovelling bedding into his face and I got some rather amusing photos of him. He’s a funny hamster.

We watched an episode of Criminal Minds in which a child died from leukaemia and I looked over and Mommy was crying. I feel so helpless.

The 16th & 17th; I have actually been outside and done things.

The 16th of April.

Tonight I am a schweepy bear but it because I have actually been outside and done things. This morning I got Mommy to wash my hair, then I met up with Vicky at Yorks for lunch.

She is one of my few proper cancer friends and she sort of disappeared when it emerged that I cannot be fixed. I understand why she did – fear. It’s okay because she came back and I love her. I do not hold nonsensical grudges. I get why some people have pulled away – it’s easier not to be close to me when I do die, so you’re not so sad when it happens. Anyway, we had a lovely time, eating foods (me eggs florentine, her lamb flatbread) and drinking coffee. We nabbed the sunny window table, then got too warm and had to move. It was nice for a while though.

When I got home, Becky came round to borrow some books to take on holiday, and now I am weary.

The 17th of April.

I think today might have been the last day of my period, thank God. Stupid life-ruining enforced menstruation.

From lunchtime onwards, I was quite a busy bee. I’d spent my morning replying to some emails and hunting through a multitude of old photos, finding one I haven’t seen in a long time of me on the phone to Christine after I’d had one of the tumours in my face biopsied.

This afternoon, I thought I should work out as I hadn’t for the past two days, so I did all that until about half four, when Mommy and I watched an episode of Criminal Minds. When that finished, I got changed and made myself presentable, then went over the road to go out with Becky, James, Jamie and Natalia for Jamie’s 21st birthday meal at Miller & Carter. They still hadn’t got any mango puree which Becky and I were rather irked by. So she had the Grey Goose Le Fizz and I had a Cosmopolitan which I was pleasantly surprised by! James was starving so we went to our table and he ordered ribs while the rest of us had steak. I had the 14oz T-bone and it was super tasty. I didn’t touch my lettuce wedge.

None of us could fit in pudding, so we left after just main courses and went back to the Easts’ for birthday cake! It was a really good cake; I was impressed with Natalia’s baking skills.

Now I am really full and sleepy.

The 8th & 9th; We left feeling like our lives had been thoroughly affirmed.

The 8th of April.

What a fun day!

This morning was not super-exciting; had breakfast, watched tv, despaired at what my skin has decided to do while I’ve been on Provera.

This afternoon, Becky escaped from school early and we went to Miller and Carter for lunch as we were going to see Miranda tonight! We ended up having three courses and they were so delicious. We had the sharing platter to start with, although we had no pork bites so we got an extra chicken wing instead. Then we both had steak with sweet potato fries – I had fillet rare and it was divine. Then for pudding, Becky had sticky toffee pudding and I had three scoops of chocolate ice cream with a cookie and then we were both really sleepy.

We were home for about an hour before we went out again to the NIA. We found our seats, then sat and twiddled our thumbs until the Miranda party started! It was such fun – she has a fabulous playlist of 90s pop and we left feeling like our lives had been thoroughly affirmed.

The 9th of April.

I have wanted to sleep all day but resisted the urge. I got up at half past nine and had breakfast and coffee before getting dressed, then we went to the chiropractor for half past twelve. There was serious work to be done on my neck and upper back, causing me to grimace and tell Trine “yeah it’s fine” through a tightly clenched jaw.

We visited M&S on the way home because we had no salad or salt beef, then when we got home, I made some of it into my lunch. I then started working out, and Mommy came home from taking Grandma home from lunch club. Oscar fell in the pond but we’re not sure how because his back legs and tail were wet, but also part of his upper back? It was definitely the muddy water because he smelled terrible.

Speaking of Oscars, Pistorius is now just constantly weeping and wailing and now it just feels like he is stalling. You can cry all you like Oscar, but I’m sorry, I just don’t believe you.