The 7th, 8th & 9th; I didn’t scream or even flinch.

The 7th of November. 

Feeling less shit today – no murdery dreams and my muscles are not so sore, so overall generally better. 

This morning, I wrote up a blog post while shouting at the Tory voices on Victoria Derbyshire. Eventually, I had to put on an episode of Bones because I was getting my blood pressure up. Then I put together the final gnome and took some photos of them all together. Now they’re sitting on the mantelpiece, having a lovely time. 

After lunch, I started work on the next Christmas project, but didn’t get much done before Ann and Tom, the couple interested in Callie and Carlton arrived. They pretty much immediately fell in love with them, as I expected. They are just too gorgeous to not adore. They’re going to change the kittens’ names to Molly and Bertie, so we’ll have to get used to calling them that. Plus they’ve given us blankets for them to get used to/put their smell on. 

After they left, I tried ringing the GP again to talk to this secretary who’s been trying to talk to me. I rang this morning, but she wasn’t available so I was told she’d ring back. When I tried again, she’d left. So then I talked to the team leader who did some investigating, but couldn’t get to the bottom of it. She’ll try again tomorrow, and maybe I’ll eventually find out what they want!

The 8th of November. 

Well, local anaesthetic in the eyelid is, much like most of the local injections I’ve had, not that bad. The only distressing local in the past was for the bronchoscopy, but that was for more psychological reasons than physical. 

Anyway. I was up just before six, because we had to be at the QE for eight. I was first on the list, which I was pleased about. I met Mr. Kolli before going into theatre, and we had a brief chat before he drew an arrow on my forehead so they didn’t do the wrong eye. Then I didn’t have to wait long for the theatre to be ready, so I put on my gown (over my clothes) and shower cap and went to lie down. 

A nurse put some music on (classical, disco, La La Land, Sinead O’Connor) and poured what felt like a gallon of two different strengths of anaesthetic drops in, with a tissue at the side to stop them escaping. Another nurse took her place, and I was given his hand to hold while Mr. Kolli injected the local into my lower eyelid. They both warned me about how awful it would be, so I was surprised to find it really wasn’t so terrible. Not that it was pleasurable, but I didn’t scream or even flinch, which he can’t remember witnessing with any previous patients. Brave Kathryn strikes again. 

Finally got round to zapping the rogue five lashes, and I didn’t feel a thing. So now they’re gone. I have antibiotic ointment to do four times a day (along with all my other drops) and I sported a very fetching eye patch until half past one. We’ll see if it has held off the bruising tomorrow. 

The 9th of November. 

This morning was arduous and long and frustrating. First was lung function. For the first time since I was at the children’s hospital, I had to get in the box (see photo below). Same tests, just different room/equipment. They took forever, it seemed, partly because I had to do one of them four times, plus she had to get some blood from me and it all just added up. Knackering. Then I saw Dr. Thompson, and he was not full of joy. The numbers are the worst he’s ever seen (for me), which is what I was expecting. We compared some x-rays from now and last year, and it is quite clear that the right lung has shrunk and the chest wall has sunk in, so I have less volume and the way I feel now is the new baseline. Great. 

Got out of there about half eleven, so just had time to get some coffee before going to see Andrew. That was a very confusing chat. It seems the lymphoscintigram actually showed that the right side works better than the left, because the lymphatic system is compensating for the rubbish venous flow. So now he wants an MRI with gadolinium so we can get a definitive picture of my anatomy. Which will require careful booking because he or a colleague will need to be there. JOY. And even when we know what is going on where, what we do is still up in the air because so many things could go wrong. Numbness, he cannot fix, but can sort out another MRI for that and refer me for nerve conduction studies. 

I don’t make any sense. 

The 5th & 6th; I am bitter.

The 5th of November. 

I hate Bonfire Night. I hate fireworks and bonfires. The brightness hurts my eyes and the smoke hurts my lungs. I hate them because I can’t enjoy them like a normal person and I am bitter about it. At least now they might stop until New Year. 

Did a blog post this morning, no great excitement there. I could hear Mommy upstairs in my bedroom, hoovering, and it made me think about all the stuff she does that I can’t and how I’ll cope if it gets to a point where she isn’t able to do those things. Hoovering, dusting, making my bed. I don’t like thinking that far ahead. But the only way for that scenario to be avoided is for one of us to not be alive and I am not a fan of that idea. In fact, I can’t bear it. Hence avoiding the future. 

Well, that was bleak. This afternoon, a lady called Tracey came with her partner to view Chester. He’s nowhere near ready to go and she knows that, but they got to meet and she could see if he was suitable. We think he will be – he’s going to be a friend for a sad dog. They left after about an hour, having provisionally agreed a date for adoption, which works for all of us because it means Christine will get to meet him too. 

The 6th of November. 

I was wrong about the fireworks. People are still doing it this evening, presumably because they are awful. Bah. And I woke up in a weird mood because I had the same dream about being a serial killer three times from different perspectives. 

So I’m tired. Physically, mentally. My muscles hurt from getting up from sitting on the floor with the kittens so every time I stand up I groan. Most of my day has been spent working on the last gnome, the biggest one. All his parts are now finished, so I’ll assemble him tomorrow. 

I had to ring the GP because they’d called on Friday about a letter from the dental hospital. When I did, the receptionist said it was a secretary who’d phoned but she doesn’t work on Mondays so I have to ring back tomorrow. Why a random secretary from the GP is ringing, I don’t know. 

I’m really not looking forward to my lung function tests on Thursday. I know the results are going to be shit and I really don’t feel like hearing for definite that the pneumonia and collapsed lung have resulted in permanent damage. 

 

 

The 3rd & 4th; Christmas Crafts ahoy!

The 3rd of November. 

I keep waking up earlier than I want to. So I put the radio on and the Today programme infiltrates my dreams, it’s rather irritating. 

This morning was routine blog post, chat with kittens, then back to Christmas gnome. Finished off the cuffs on the arms, then Mommy had made cinnabons so I iced them and we had lunch. After we’d given the kittens theirs, the buns had cooled down sufficiently for me to have one. Oh man, they are my favourite. 

Once I had finished and licked all the icing off my fingers, it was time to do the final pieces of the gnome. Rather large hat, nose and beard. Few more episodes of The Blacklist down. And I had a couple of phone calls – one from the QE, checking that I was still going next week to get my eyelashes done, and from St. Giles, because I’d rung them with another sleeve query. The sleeve on the prescription is not the one on the box, but we have solved the mystery and that’s all fine. 

The 4th of November. 

Well today I had to get up early and my alarm woke me up, such is life. Up, breakfast, coffee. Picked up a bunch of tote bags to put any shopping I might do in, and we went out when Becky and Alison arrived. Christmas Crafts ahoy!

I split off from the others, because we have different interests and it’s easier for me to go around on my own in the wheelchair. I had a bimble up and down the rows of stalls, growing frustrated because I couldn’t find what I was looking for. Eventually, I had to buy a show guide for a map. So then I found Toft and had a nice chat with the girl there, and I bought a kit to make Hank the Dorset Down Sheep. Then I bought some heavily discounted merino wool to make some socks, and went in search of some stuff to make a necklace. I have a crocheted patch to use as a pendant but it was impossible to locate what I needed. Will have to go to Hobbycraft or something. 

I met back up with Mommy, Becky and Alison, and we went to look at the fancy cakes. Some of them were incredible, like this dog wearing a raincoat. But after a while, the smell of sugar in the air was giving me a headache, and it was time to go. 

When we got back, Becky came in to meet the kittens. She could not deal with their tiny size. Got a lady coming to see Chester tomorrow!

The 1st & 2nd; I hate all this waiting.

The 1st of November. 

I am living in a limbo state and I hate it. Just waiting for it to be next Thursday when I see Andrew. I’m just trying to find ways to fill each day so they don’t feel so wasted. The thing is, I don’t think I’m going to be able to mentally move out of this state until my arm is fixed. And I’m beginning to absorb the thought that most of my Christmas jumpers will be staying in the wardrobe because they just won’t fit. 

This morning, I wrote up a blog post, after saying good morning to the kittens. We’ve finally been able to flea-spray them today so I have mainly stroked them through the bars. 

After lunch, it was binge-watching The Blacklist and crochet. I finished and assembled my first gnome, the smallest one. I have now started the middle one, and I am very much looking forward to seeing them together when they’re all done. 

I hate all this waiting. Fuuuuck.

The 2nd of November. 

Today has not gone entirely as planned, but not in a bad way. 

I called Black Sheep yesterday to arrange a hair change, and Saskia had a cancellation at one o’clock today, which I said no to because the boiler man was coming and we weren’t sure what time he would be done. However, he’d been and gone by the time I got up, so I called to see if the appointment was still available. It was, so that was my afternoon sorted. 

I bade the kittens a good morning, getting them all out for individual cuddles – we can actually let them run around tomorrow which will be interesting. Might have to construct a small fence. Thursday is Riverdale day, so I watched that while I worked on the second gnome’s body. 

Had lunch a bit early (so I am starving now) and got down to Black Sheep for one. Annoyingly, I had just missed seeing baby Lulu, but I’m sure I’ll get another chance!

I thought we were just going to do the bleach before doing my Christmas hair in a separate appointment. But we did the whole thing today! So, I am now a coppery-gingery tone all over. There are panels that were meant to be gold but in a toning error they’ve come out dark, so I’m going back to get those corrected next week. 

The 30th & 1st; The (puppet) monkey and the dildo song.

The 30th of November. 

Blargh. You know how when one thing gets better, something else gets worse? My back has been really bad today, for no real reason that I can think of, and tomorrow will make it worse because I’m going to be my wheelchair for most of the day. 

Obviously, being in pain, I have not been very busy. This morning, I wrote up a blog post, and made the other two unicorn legs. He (She? Its name is Chablis) just needs assembling now  

After lunch, I did some Cats Protection stuff – I got to speak to a lady who liked one kitten who is now reserved with his brother, but I told her who is coming up soon and she seemed happy with that. Still couldn’t get hold of a different woman on the phone, and I’ve already emailed her, so today I’ve sent her a text and just hoping she’ll get back to me. Then I synced my iPhone (so tedious) and updated the music on my iPod so I can listen to it on the train tomorrow. 

We’re going to see my friend Will Barton in The Libertine and have some tasty foods. It’s going to be an excellent way to start advent. 

The 1st of December.

It’s advent! Be prepared for my unrelenting festive spirit all month. It’s been a very busy day, down to London and back, and next week we do it all again!

This morning seemed like it might be stressful because there were train issues between Wolverhampton and Birmingham International, but thankfully we were unaffected, so we arrived at Euston right on time. We were then supposed to pick up our tickets for the show before meeting Will for lunch, but the traffic was terrible so he got the tickets and we met him at Chop Shop. We all ordered steak (medium rare, natch), then got to talking. He told us a bit about the show and the guy it’s based on, and we talked about my parents’ lives working in theatres before they settled down. 

Will had to leave early to go and have his wig put on, so Mommy and I had coffee, then made our way over to the theatre. They let me in an accessible side door, and we took our seats in the stalls. We read the programme, and discovered a few other names/faces I recognised, like Will Merrick who was in Skins, Lizzie Roper who was in Hollyoaks and is one of the Aunt Bessie’s women, and Ophelia Lovibond who was in Guardians of the Galaxy. Everyone was really excellent and the show is so good – very wordy, funny, horrifically rude (if you’re easily offended, I wouldn’t recommend it) and made all the more fun by the presence of the (puppet) monkey and the dildo song. 

After the show, we went round to stage door to meet Will, and we climbed all the stairs up to Dominic Cooper’s dressing room because I have to prove that I can do things. By the time we got there, I needed to sit and breathe, but it was worth it because I got to see the very fancy room. 

Dominic was very lovely, but we didn’t have long because the cast were having Christmas tea. We talked about the show, and we had photos and they both signed my programme. Then we said goodbye, they went for their tea, and we wrapped ourselves back up to go out into the cold. 

We went to Fortnum and Mason, where I got my Buck’s Fizz marmalade and Mommy bought some florentines for Daddy, so now we don’t have to go there next week. I also got a cinnabon from the actual Cinnabon shop in Piccadilly Circus. We then very happily fell upon an available cab, and were taken back to Euston. 

While we chuntered home, I listened to the Elf soundtrack while reading New Scientist, then when we were actually at home, I had a Skype call from Christine. She had left her phone at work, and her work was on fire. Someone had set fire to Founders building at Royal Holloway, so we were talking while both looking at Twitter. Hopefully her phone is not burned to a crisp. 

The 28th & 29th; Severely lacking in inspiration.

The 28th of November. 

I think I’m just about okay today. I was still a bit wibbly when I got up, so my potential gym trip was off. Not lifting heavy weights when I might fall over. 

This morning I did a blog post and painted my nails a festive green while snuggled up in my pyjamas and fur-lined hoodie. I did get dressed, just later than might be considered socially acceptable. Well, I’m kind of poorly. It’s allowed. 

After lunch, I sorted out some of the crap in my bedroom so now it has either been put away or is in piles to get put somewhere else or in the bin. Then I had a try at making a coffee using a drip filter, as my Pact advent calendar coffee is ground for that particular brewing method, and I usually use my espresso machine. 

It was okay but next time I will use more coffee – I started off with just 16g. Not strong enough. My next job was to have another trawl of the internet for potential Christmas presents, but I am severely lacking in inspiration. Everything I see, I just think is a terrible gift. I’ve bought four things I like and made two crocheted things but that is all and I am struggling. I am really hoping some ideas come to me in a dream. Mommy and I have our annual London Christmas shopping trip next week, so maybe I will see things then.

The 29th of November. 

I’ve only had the one wobbly moment today, so I think whatever it was has passed. Hooray!

I had a quiet morning. Mommy was out at the chiro, and I spent my time doing another filter coffee and crocheting a leg of the unicorn I’m making. I used some of Daddy’s coffee for today’s practise and it was not nice at all. I do not like that blend. I’m glad I have my own. 

I had an appointment to get my hair cut after lunch, and we had quite the palaver with the hair washing. Just as my first shampoo was being done, the pressure on the boiler went, and the shower heads weren’t producing any hot water. Not ideal. They tried various things, but ended up having to use hot water from the coffee machine to rinse my hair, which was fine but I was just glad I got in when I did and wasn’t having any colour done! The chap couldn’t come until five, so I hope it’s fixed now. 

So I was there somewhat longer than expected, but that was fine with me, I just felt bad for Michaela and the knock-on effect it was having. All nice and short now, and re-whitening in two weeks. 

When I got home, I had to ring a potential adopter because I didn’t think she fully understood how Cats Protection works, then I made another unicorn leg and ordered all my Christmas cards. At least I have that sorted. Glee Club tonight! Seann Walsh and the best fish finger sandwich. 

The 26th & 27th; It could have been different.

The 26th of November.

It has not been a good day. I woke up in the night to pee and nearly fell over because I felt like I was drunk. When I was woken up again by an angle grinder being used by the builders next door, I still felt like my head wasn’t connected to my body and it has not got better as the day’s gone on. I just tried a travel sickness tablet and it hasn’t worked. It’s so weird – my blood pressure is fine, I don’t know what’s going on. I’m hoping it’s purely a 24 hour thing. 

To then make matters worse, we had some really terrible news. Our friend Keith, who has been waiting for a liver transplant for over a year, got the call yesterday morning and went into theatre in the afternoon. We found out today that he died on the table. There is always a risk, of course, but you never expect it to happen to someone you know, and it has gone from being the best Christmas present to total devastation. I am so sad, and even more so for Mommy, who made the most agonising noise when she read Gareth’s (Keith’s husband) message. I just wish that more people were donors. It could have been different. 

So I’m sad, I feel weird, I have no kittens to pet, and I don’t like life today. The only good thing that happened was that my Biscuiteers advent calendar got delivered. 

The 27th of November. 

I still feel weird today. Not as bad as yesterday, but I’m still not 100% okay. 

So this morning I did things very slowly, no fast movements and no turning my head too quickly and I’m alright. I watched Joe on Sunday Brunch and did a bit of hat crocheting but that was all. 

Daddy and I went to see Amber, one of the other fosterers. She had a problem with the electrics in her cat pen (it’s like a lit, heated shed for cats to live in) so we went to see if Daddy could fix it. I had no real input, I just stood and petted her enormous floofy Maine Coon while Daddy took things apart. It turned out to be pretty easy – her plug was full of water and some of that wires had corroded. We just had to go to B&Q where Daddy got a new plug, then we went back and he made it work again! Shaki will be thrilled that we now have more space. 

When we got home, I had time to do a tiny bit of prep for tonight’s CP meeting before we had our rather late lunch. I had about twenty minutes after that and it was time to go to Lee’s. Now I’m homing officer, I have a lot more to do with these kind of things. I might have some cats soon, it depends on what happens with the viewing at Nicole’s tomorrow. 

The 24th and 25th; I must not cry.

The 24th of November. 

Another early start, but I can sleep in tomorrow. To combat my tiredness, I had three coffees before lunchtime, but that means I am very yawny now. 

The food show didn’t open until ten, when normally it starts at half nine, so when we arrived, everybody was still queuing to get in. I managed to get through the crowd, avoiding the stand where they were selling show guides, and chose to instead drive up and down all the aisles and see where I wanted to purchase things from. I stopped at Fudge Kitchen, because once it gets busy they’re impossible to get to, so I bought some drinking fudge and we had a lovely chat about GameBoys and hen dos. I went round all the drinks but bought none because I don’t want vodka that tastes like toffee. Bleah. I did as I always do, buying four brownies and a corker from The Brownie Bar, and at Gower Cottage I got a brownie, plus jars of brownie and blondie butter. Very excited about them. I also got a muffin from the Merangz people (disappointing) and a BBQ pork sausage roll for lunch. There was a stand of vegan chocolates and it was nice chocolate (I tried some) so I bought some for Lauren, and then I was pretty much done! We were home by half one. 

This afternoon, I had some more CP admin to do (apparently there is not normally so much back and forth with people but I have really been thrown in at the deep end) and now I am waiting for a lady and her daughter to come and see Ava and Amira. Hoping they can get through the Boldmere Christmas Extravaganza traffic. 

The 25th of November. 

One kitten down, two to go. I’m taking the gap between adoptions to do this. 

I got to sleep in until a vastly preferable nine o’clock this morning, and I was glad I didn’t have to do any blog typing up because I had to fill in all the paperwork for this evening’s adoptions. Three lots of PetPlan forms takes time. Plus I managed to buy a couple of Black Friday sale items for Christmas. Well, one thing for a present, one thing for me. I have not been an organised as usual – need to get going. 

After lunch, Daddy and I went to see Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. It’s alright. I mean it’s very well made and all looks impressive, but the story is crap. So thin. The amount of non-white characters can be counted on one hand. I don’t know why Johnny Depp was there. How they can stretch this out into five films I have no fucking clue. 

We got home with about ten minutes to spare before Stephen came for Archie. He was very good about getting into the carrier (Archie, not Stephen) and I really think he will be happy in his new home. He will be loved a lot. 

I think I will be most sad to say goodbye to Ava. She is just lovely and I love her. I must not cry. 

The 22nd & 23rd; The discomfort has abated.

The 22nd of November. 

I think all of the discomfort has abated now. Still not going back to the gym though as I’m still bleeding more than I would like. 

I got a blog post done this morning before we had to go out. I was at the chiro having my back crunched, and thankfully there was not too much work to be done, just a very stiff neck. On the way home, we went to Tesco for stuff for baking (there’s some kind of Christmas fair at Grandma’s church on Thursday), then home for lunch. 

This afternoon, I spoke to the potential adopter I couldn’t get hold of yesterday, and gave her the details of the black and white adult cat who’s being advertised on the Cats Protection website. I’m waiting to hear back from the couple who came to see Archie last night – they loved him, but they loved the other two as well, so now I think they’re having trouble deciding. I hope they choose Archie, or I’ll feel so sad for him. 

I spent the rest of my time crocheting. A request was put in for a couple of hats for the aforementioned jamboree, so I knocked up two, for a toddler and a child. 

Really early start tomorrow. QE at 9. Yay. 

The 23rd of November. 

Awake at 5.45 today. I was wanted at clinic as early as possible because my cortisol levels were being checked. However, that did mean I could actually choose where to sit because the waiting room hadn’t filled up yet! Then I’d barely read any of my book when I got called in by Charlie Craddock. It was actually really good to see him instead of Ram because when I complained about the lack of pain team appointment, he said he would chase them for me, and he has slightly more clout than Ram. He then proceeded to dictate his letters (to my other consultants and the pain team respectively) while I was still sitting there which I always find super awkward but it’s good to know his chasing will definitely be done. Plus he was very complimentary about my Anthony Nolan work.

I had a big order for pharmacy, so while they were doing that, we popped up to TCT to see if they were interested in having a load of my books, which they were, so it was a good thing we’d brought them with us!

Before going home, we went into town so I could get a graph paper notebook (Moleskine appear to be the only place to stock them). Then this afternoon, I have been ringing more potential cat adopters, crocheting my Christmas scarf (it’s nearly there) and icing cakes for the church Christmas thing. 

Another early morning tomorrow but going to be worth it – Winter Food Show!

The 20th & 21st; Slightly more comfortable.

The 20th of November. 

Feeling slightly more comfortable today. I still can’t sit cross-legged on the floor, but that will get better. 

I spent pretty much my whole morning typing up the super long blog post (making readers cross their legs in sympathy), then Becky came round for tea and a catch up. I told her all about Friday, and the saga we had with Ava and Amira. She’s having a much better time at her new school, and we allowed ourselves to get excited about Christmas. The Boldmere lights switch-on is on Thursday and the roads will be hellish, plus I’m pretty sure it’s all going to be audible from our house so there will be no escape. Bahhh. I don’t know if we’ll go; there’ll probably be youths everywhere and I can’t bear most people younger than me. Oh well! We are looking forward to the 17th of December though, when we go to see Muppets Christmas Carol at The Electric and we plan on visiting the new Cereal Killer Café. 

This afternoon, I tried the estrogen cream with the applicator. It was weird, but I think it was better than using the dilator. Then I had a lovely, admin-filled time setting up a database on my computer for all the cars, because the system of just using a spreadsheet is not adequate for me. Finally putting my Applied ICT GCSE to some use!

The 21st of November. 

It has been a very quiet day in the Cartwright household because I have been the only one here. Mommy and Daddy have spent today driving to and from Peterborough, because it was the funeral of my second cousin once removed. I was not in a position to be sitting in a car and on uncomfortable chairs for hours on end so I stayed at home. 

This morning, I bimbled about, having to give the kittens a second breakfast because they were apparently starving when Mommy got up at half six. I got an interesting email from a guy I know who works at the BBC and is looking at making a series involving accessibility for disabled people when trying to get around, things that able-bodied people don’t have to think about. I tried not to get too ranty about how terrible most places are. 

After lunch, I was back upstairs at the computer, working on Cats Protection stuff and talking to various people about little issues I’ve noticed in some of the information I’ve got. I rang my first potential adopter, but she wants a very specific kind of cat and we currently have none like that, so she’ll be having to wait. 

Mommy and Daddy got back not long after four, while I was on the phone to Christine, so she got to chat to all of us, and now I am waiting for the people who are coming to see Archie tonight. Hopefully the dreadful weather won’t impact upon their travel time too much.