The 28th & 29th; They’re all very soft.

The 28th of December.

Well I have been awake since 6am which is not ideal. I was doing fine, having a lovely sleep, then my body realised it was freezing and decided we needed to experience this. To make it worse, the heating didn’t really seem to kick in until about lunchtime so I felt like a little block of ice. I couldn’t even put my cosy clothes on because Shaki was bringing new kittens this morning and they would ruin them with their claws.

She arrived just before twelve, and stayed for about three quarters of an hour introducing us and catching up. We’ve got three black and white girls; Autumn, Amber and Ava. They’re all quite different so we’ll have no trouble telling them apart, thankfully. Twelve weeks old, but small. And so cute. Particularly Amber, who has long hair. She is also the only one that hisses. I have got purrs out of Autumn already, so she doesn’t look like she’ll be much trouble. They’re all very soft.

Daddy sat with them this afternoon, while I crocheted. I was wrong about the shawl – still not finished. Oh well.

The 29th of December.

Much better sleep. I woke up at six, but fell back to sleep and we surprised by my alarm when it went off at nine so that was pleasant.

I’m still crocheting this flipping shawl (just carrying on until I run out of wool) so I did that for most of the morning. Still not finished. I also went to say good morning to the new floofs. They don’t retreat quite so much as they first did.

We have to be with them while they eat, so I sat and watched the shortest episode of Black Mirror, Metalhead. From looking at reviews afterwards, it seems that is the least good one, so I’m quite pleased because it means they can only get better.

This afternoon, we had a family cinema trip to see The Greatest Showman. I’ll be honest, it wasn’t as good as I expected. However, I love the songs, and I had a small cry during This Is Me because it makes me think of Dean. I do miss him ever such a lot. Adam sent me a Christmas card which arrived the other day and it was really beautiful.

The 25th of December; Merry Christmas!

The 25th of December.

Merry Christmas!

I had a dreadful night, didn’t fall asleep until past two, then woke up multiple times in the night before getting up about half past eight when I could hear people moving around. Christine came into my bedroom, and we opened our stockings – I got some socks with reindeers on, Snowman shower jelly from Lush, Jelly Snowbabies, Lindt bears and reindeers, and little dog page markers. So cute.

Downstairs for Christmas breakfast in pyjamas! Game pie, breads, meats, cheeses, eggs – I leaned on my egg to break the shell and ended up sort of crushing it. Thankfully it was hard boiled enough to not make a mess. Then I made my final coffee of my advent calendar, and returned upstairs to get dressed. My dress this year was a very pain one, a green chenille midi dress from Zara, so I embellished with my Tatty Devine glittery holly and Christmas tree shoes. Still a very snazzy bitch.

Mommy and Daddy picked up Grandma, I positioned myself on the floor, the champagne was poured, and the present distribution could begin! I try to go around the room, one per person, until we run out. I got four books (Gnomon by Nick Harkaway, Sleeping Beauties by Stephen and Owen King, The Invisible Child and the Fir Tree by Tove Jansson, and the illustrated version of How to Stop Time by Matt Haig), and Alice in Wonderland moleskine diary for next year (they’ve stopped doing The Little Prince ones, rage), a small pouch to put all my medical stuff in for my handbag, a festive mug from Anthropologie, a fleecey cat twosie (SO SOFT AND COSY), a jar of Seville marmalade, the holiday wreath Pandora charm, an umbrella with dogs on, a Hasbean voucher, the StylPro brush cleaner, and a Christmas dogs garland which I will definitely have up in my room next year.

Lunch was ready about two o’clock. If I could have just parsnips, pigs in blankets and tiny carrots with bread sauce, I totally would. Then a small rest while the pudding finished cooking, and I had some chocolate mousse because I hate Christmas pudding.

We decamped into the living room while Daddy and Christine did the washing up, and put on the obligatory BBC animation made for the day to relax and pass the time before the Easts descended upon us for Doctor Who. Auntie Hilary called on Facetime, and she got passed around the room so Merry Christmases could be exchanged. Becky, James and Jonathan appeared just after five, with the rest following shortly after, and gift swapping commenced. Becky gave me some lightning bolt earrings, and Alison gave me a crochet set to make a little donkey and a book of patterns to make animals wearing clothes. Many projects for the future!

Daddy sorted out beverages, and those of us who wanted to watch settled down in front of the tv for Doctor Who. I was happy to see Bill for a final time, but I’m still annoyed that we only got her for one series. I don’t want Bradley Walsh. But I suppose Jodie Whittaker makes up for it.

They returned to their respective homes for Strictly, and Mommy and Daddy took Grandma home too, as time was getting on. When they got back, we had Christmas cake while watching Christmas Bake Off. Oh Selasi, how I have missed you. I would like him on all the Bake Off series forever, just saying things and making faces in the background.

I have had much wine, and am hoping the cosy glow will help me sleep. I got everything I wanted, but the best part is being at home, healthy as possible, surrounded by warmth and people I love. Nothing is as important to me as that.

The 23rd & 24th; I am always so grateful to be here.

The 23rd of December.

Merry Christmas Eve Eve!

I woke up just after six which was frustrating but what can you do? I just listened to the radio until the heating kicked in.

My day has been very monotonous, but enjoyable. I have sat in the glow of the tree lights, watching films on the tv, crocheting a shawl. This morning was The Boxtrolls (which Christine had not seen before), and Daddy left foot Wales to bring Taid here for Christmas. Mommy went to Grandma’s for their Christmas fayre, and was gone for most of the day.

Christine and I had our lunch (fucking hell, standing up just for the time it takes to make a sandwich was torturous – have to chase Dr. Blaney in January), then she went for a walk. When she returned, we watched Hidden Figures, which has not long finished.

I’m writing early because this evening I’m going to The Electric with Becky to sing along to the Muppets Christmas Carol, as is tradition. I’m very excited. It is the summer of the soul in December.

The 24th of December.

Merry Christmas Eve!

Everything is right. I had a proper sleep – actually woke up at a normal time so I have not needed extra coffee today.

It has been a very similar day to yesterday, for me. Sat in armchair, watched tv, crocheted. I did have a break early afternoon because I had to wrap Grandma’s final present (it only got bought after I’d done all my other wrapping) and that was the only time the table was available.

I just cherish every moment at home this time of year. After three Christmases in a row as an inpatient, and nearly being back in last year, I am always so grateful to be here. To wake up in my own bed, sit in front of the fire, be with people I love for the whole day, not just the hours allowed. I remember in 2007 all presents had to be sterile, and in 2008 I remember being woken for an ultrasound on my new liver, Becky and Alison arriving with a bag of satsumas for me to suck the juice from (I couldn’t digest the flesh) and feeling so sick at the smell of Mommy’s dinner, I had to send her to the bathroom to eat it. In 2009, I was itching like crazy from the shingles, and so breathless I couldn’t walk across my cubicle.

Those should not be Christmas memories. This is why I appreciate home.

The 21st & 22nd; Happy Birthday to my liver!

The 21st of December.

Happy birthday to my liver! This time nine years ago, Mommy and I were watching The Sunday Night Project (back when it was still acceptable to like Justin Lee Collins). We were aware there might be a liver, but weren’t getting our hopes up in case it wasn’t suitable. Suddenly I was on my way to theatre, and the rest is history!

This morning, Mommy, Christine and I went to Waitrose in Lichfield for some specific food shopping. I don’t know why we had to go there but hey, it’s an outing. A lady told me I had a “cool motor”. And I got a cinnamon bun.

We got back around lunchtime, and this afternoon I watched Elf (while wearing my Elf jumper), then Christine joined me and we watched Inside Out. For most of the film, Sadness is the fucking worst. It is very hard to sympathise when she does so many stupid things. Also, I fast-forwarded the sad bit. No tears today, thank you.

The 22nd of December.

Getting very very festive!

Woke up a little earlier than planned, but that meant I could get my blog post done and have more time to frolic. Well, to be honest, less frolicking, more tv and eating of assorted chocolates.

This afternoon, Christine and I went to see Pitch Perfect 3. There was a massive family in there who I expected to be awful but thankfully they were quiet during the film. There was some chair-kicking but I put a stop to that. Anyway, it was amusing enough for an hour and a half. It’s not as good as the first two, but we enjoyed it. I’ve downloaded the soundtrack.

Since getting home, I have put the decorations on the Christmas cake and iced two sets of cupcakes (they’re not all for us, half are going to Grandma’s).

Oh, and Ruby Rose in the gold suit is everything I want to be.

The 19th & 20th; Wrapping time!

The 19th of December.

Oh lord I am so tired. I got home about half eleven last night (the gig was much fun), and it took me hours to fall asleep, then I woke up several times so the sleep I did have was not of good quality. I am going to have Zopiclone tonight. Stupid lack of sleep.

So I have been really sleepy all day. I did a blog post this morning, and rummaged through my back up hard drives to find the original photos that were taken during my first stem cell transplant. Ten years ago today, I had my first cells from Christine. All the versions of the photos on my phone were rubbish quality, and I knew there had to be a better one somewhere.

Once I’d found it, I spent a lot of my afternoon trying to compose a tweet to send out to promote Still Standing. It took a stupidly long time for something so insignificant. I’ll probably do the same again on Thursday. Maybe I’ll be better at it then because my brain won’t be mush from not sleeping.

I can’t wait to go to bed.

The 20th of December.

Zopiclone worked. Nice big sleep, thankfully. I could not have coped with the wrapping pain if I was exhausted.

This morning I brought all the presents downstairs and wrote all my Christmas cards. Tidied up the living room table so we can fit food on there. Not much else for me to do until after lunch, really!

Mommy went out to Grandma’s then to pick up Christine from the station. I took everything into the dining room, made myself a peppermint chocolate drinking fudge, put The Polar Express on and it was wrapping time! I thought it would be best if I wrapped everything in the paper first, then did the ribbon on them all after, otherwise I might not have been done by the time Mommy and Christine got back. My paper was stupid and didn’t want to stick together, so I was glad I’d bought string as well as ribbon. Maybe next year I will not do glitter paper.

When The Polar Express finished, I watched a funny little film on Netflix called Pottersville. It was quite amusing, kept me entertained while I covered everything in glitter.

Now I am finished and my back is excruciating but I am done. It was worth it.

The 17th & 18th; All my presents are finished!

The 17th of December.

Much better night. I considered having a Zopiclone, but I thought I would probably get to sleep naturally and I’m glad to say I was correct.

It has been a rather festive day, by all accounts. It had a nice start because I saw Oscar in the garden! Haven’t seen him for ages. Did a blog post, then I was called into the dining room to ice cakes for a hamper. It only took about an hour, but that time sitting at the table killed my back by the end. This does not bode well for wrapping day, considering last year it took me about six hours.

This afternoon, we decorated the tree! Or to put it more accurately, Mommy put things on it in accordance with my directions. I no longer have the lung capacity to move around so much nor the ability to stand for that long because it means agony for my back. I will probably still make adjustments by moving things around but it finally feels Christmassy in our house.

The 18th of December.

Another very Christmassy day!

I had some very stressful dreams about the gig last night, that it was happening and we’d only sold 100 tickets and I couldn’t access the building and it was all terrible. I was so glad to wake up.

Mommy and I went into town this morning so I could get all my wrapping stuff and she could do more Christmas shopping. I started off in Tiger for the paper – I’d seen it online and I wanted to check that it looked the same in real life as it did on the internet. I went round the entire shop (which is not easy in the wheelchair) and found the paper I wanted by the tills. Then I went round again so I could get gift bags and boxes for a few of the things that would be impossible to wrap with just paper. Next was Paperchase for tags, but they didn’t have the ones I wanted, so I had to go to the one in Selfridges where thankfully they had stock, plus tissue paper. No ribbon though. Back to Grand Central, where I went to John Lewis to see if I could find ribbon or wool to tie around my presents. The haberdashery was my saviour, so I got my ribbon. Last year I didn’t get enough, so I may have bought too much, but I’d rather be safe than have to go back for more. No time for that now.

I met back up with Mommy in John Lewis, then we went to the German market so I could have a sausage because otherwise I won’t have one and it’s just not Christmas if I don’t. They are very mean with the napkins – obviously they didn’t order enough so it is one per person! Harsh.

Returned home, and this afternoon I put together Daddy’s crocheted Christmas present while watching Miracle on 34th Street (fast-forwarding all the bits I don’t like) and now all my presents are finished! I can finally relax about things, and have my wrapping day when I am ready.

Out at The Glee tonight for Joe’s Crisis at Christmas gig! Great line-up; Joe Lycett, Joe Pasquale, Kiri Pritchard-McLean, Tom Ward, Guz Kahn and Harry Hill. Very excited.

The 15th & 16th; Barely any crochet today!

The 15th of December.

I bloody love Star Wars. Such fun. But it has eaten up my entire afternoon so barely any crochet today!

I got up a bit early to rinse some of the product off my hair, do a blog post and the Cats Protection admin that came from the adoptions before getting on with some crochet pre-film. Somehow it all took longer than I planned, so I’ve done just about a round and a bit of what I am working on. Going to have a busy weekend.

So this afternoon was The Last Jedi. I love Carrie so much. And Po and Rey and Finn and Rose and the porgs. The porgs are my favourite. So cute; I want one. And BB-8! I did not like the evil BB-8, whatever that is called. He can piss off.

Got a sales report this morning and we’ve sold 98 so far. Going to try to push this week because it is anniversary week.

The 16th of December.

Ugh. I woke up at half past five and I am feeling it. Just couldn’t go back to sleep, so shortly after six I decided to watch some tv on my phone until it was warm enough to get up. I started with The Night Of, but it was really slow and dull, so then I watched the first episode of Dark, which I have carried on with all day. It began dubbed, but the mouths not syncing with words was too annoying so I changed the audio to German and put the subtitles on.

After that, I came downstairs and had a rather early breakfast. Made coffee, got on the crochet. That has been my day, watching episodes two to eight of Dark, finishing one Christmas present, and getting a bit more done of another. Nearly finished that one.

I had a delivery this morning of my last present to arrive, and it rattled which was most concerning. I had Mommy film me opening it so if it was broken I had proof it arrived that way, but thankfully it was not smashed. Phew!

The 11th & 12th; She’s so squidgy.

The 11th of December.

My toes are really bloody cold tonight. Normally they’re cold but I can’t tell – now I can feel that they are freezing and it is not fun at all.

This morning I was up a bit earlier than normal, so I got a blog post done and was on the crochet quick sharp. Thankfully my coffee was nice today so I only had to make it once.

My entire day has been crocheting – Daddy’s present today. Couldn’t do anything over the weekend because he was around but I can work on it in the week. It is a frustrating thing – I’ve had to do some bits more than one because the pattern is translated from Dutch and some of it doesn’t make sense. Bah.

I had The Sinner on for the whole afternoon, got two episodes left. No wonder Cora is so fucked up; her childhood/young adulthood is seriously disturbing. So much not okay there.

I got the insurance for the gig sorted out too, and am getting sales reports now. I don’t know if they’ll make me more or less stressed.

The 12th of December.

Still so cold. I have had my knee-high thermal socks on but they have not helped my toes. Never ever warm.

I didn’t get up to take the kittens to the vet as I would have been no help. It took Mommy half an hour to get the car warm enough to drive.

She made the brave decision to take Grandma out for lunch in Sutton, but that was okay because the roads and pavements there were all clear. While she was out, I worked on her crochet, and realised I had to redo the whole previous section because I’d messed up the start of it. Nitwit.

I had an appointment at Black Sheep for re-toning and cut at quarter past two, so she came to pick me up with Grandma still in the car. We parked in the car park round the corner, and she took me to the salon in Grandma’s chair because mine can’t cope with snow. Then it turned out I was early, so I got to hold baby Lulu for half an hour which was great. She’s so squidgy.

We are very ginger for Christmas, I mean really quite orange, and have taken off some of the length and pushed it all forward. While I was toning, I was getting texts because Mommy’s car had got stuck in the snow. The RAC wouldn’t come because she’s not the policy holder which is bollocks, but thankfully there were several good samaritans and helpful physios around.

She escaped, took Grandma home, picked up the kittens and then came back for me, parking on the road. I had to walk to the car so she brought the oxygen, which I needed. I had to rest twice in a 20 metre walk. Fuck my lungs.

The 9th & 10th; A most productive day.

The 9th of December.

I have had a most productive day of crochet. Pretty much straight after breakfast, Mommy and Daddy went into town for very targeted shopping (as in, there was a list and they stuck to it). They were out until about half twelve, so I took the opportunity to work on Mommy’s Christmas present. I made some good progress on that, although as it grows, it does seem to go slower. I have to be careful to not lose focus or one wrong stitch can really fuck it up.

I got it put away before they returned, and they had brought me a German market pretzel! Joy. I warmed it up and enjoyed its excessive saltiness, before getting to work on a different crochet present this afternoon. Not such festive viewing today – I started watching The Sinner on Netflix while waiting for Ann and Tom to come and visit the kittens, then I watched the second episode after they left.

I’m doing very well on the afternoon crochet, on my third ball of wool of five, so I should be able to finish it in a day or so, if I do some solid work.

The 10th of December.

Finished! No distractions today – nobody has been anywhere because of the snow. It has barely stopped, although the heaviness of the flurries has been varied.

I didn’t have a great start to the day, because my advent calendar coffee was disgusting. It happened once last year, when the tasting notes were strawberries and cream. Today, it was apricot. I made Mommy taste it and she agreed it was gross, and made me a normal one.

I have spent the day as planned – purely crocheting. I finished what I was working on yesterday after working solidly until about half past three. I’m very pleased with what I’ve done, especially since it required techniques that I’ve not really done before. Well done me. Then I started on another thing, which is a potential present but it depends how it comes out.

I think I have decided upon a wrapping theme, but I’ll need to go shopping to see if it’s available.

 

The 7th & 8th; It’s called Still Standing.

The 7th of December.

FINALLY I can announce the secret exciting event I’ve been working on for months: I am hosting a comedy show at Union Chapel on 12th February next year to celebrate being alive ten years after my diagnosis with Nish, Suzi, Josh, Sara and hopefully we can rope in a couple more to round off the bill. It’s called Still Standing and you can get tickets here.

This morning, I got a blog post done, then made a call to Chapel to find out when the tickets would go on sale. I had to pay the deposit first, so I got them to send over the invoice so I could get the thing on sale!

Once I had paid, I had to just sit and wait for the link to appear online, so I did Christmas crochet while periodically checking the Union Chapel website/my email. It appeared about half three, so since then I have been generally all over the social media, promoting the shit out of it. I will continue to do so until I have sold all the tickets, and there are a lot!

I am beyond excited. I just really hope it’s a success!

The 8th of December.

I had forgotten it was supposed to snow, so the white blanket covering my garden this morning was a lovely surprise. I would have liked to have put on my knitted Christmas trousers to keep cosy, but I know the kittens would tear them to shreds and I can’t have that, so it was fleecy velvet leggings instead.

My main objective today has been to finish my Christmas shopping. I had only three more items to get, but it’s taken me all day to decide on them. Admittedly I did stop for lunch and to wash my hair, and that took a while because my lip balm rolled under the bed. I spent a good ten minutes swiping a hanger around to try to retrieve it, but to no avail. It’s a good thing I had three spares in my drawer.

I also took a shopping break to work on Mommy’s present because she and Daddy went to get a Christmas tree and logs for the fire, although she did walk in while I was squirrelling it away. Hopefully she didn’t see what it is.

Now I just have to decide on a wrapping theme!